i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
