Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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