You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i need some magic done to my vagina
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
