none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
