this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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