the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
