she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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