Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
