You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
