you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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