Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
