Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
