bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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