I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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