I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
