just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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