So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
