cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
