This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
