Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
