Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
