weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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