you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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