Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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