i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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