So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
