I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
