Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
