you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
