you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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