she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
