so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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