i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
