i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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