I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
