Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
