I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
