I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
being pregnant is like rehab
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
