I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
