this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
