went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
