I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
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I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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