you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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