btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize