She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
