No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
