She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
