Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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