Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
