I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
