I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
