I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
