My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
