LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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