i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
