I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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