please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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