We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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