have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
