i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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