i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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