So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
