Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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