my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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